Wednesday, September 17, 2014

18 Weeks!



How far along? 18 weeks today. Baby W is the size of a SWEET POTATO!
Current due date: February 18, 2015
Total weight gain: None. I think perhaps because muscle is heavier, I may have lost muscle and gained some fat to replace it. Probably why I've yet to see any real numbers.
Maternity clothes? Not yet! Still working well with the bigger shirts and bras I bought around week 14. I think I may need to get another bra soon.
Stretch marks? Still no with fingers crossed. I armor up with my Honest Co. Belly Balm after every shower! 
Best moments of the past three weeks: I felt actual kicks! Clynn has felt a 'roll' and was pretty excited. I am excited for him to catch a kick. It won't be long! 
Miss anything? I miss 'nesting' and the urge is definitely getting stronger. 
Movement? YES. TONS. I have been spoiled so much with it that I already get nervous if I haven't felt him/her in a few hours. Very active baby. :)
Food Cravings: FRUIT, Iced lemon water (with LOTS of lemon!), air popped cheddar popcorn, raw broccoli with ranch for dipping, apples with peanut butter, skittles, aaaand pita chips.
Have you started to show yet? A little, yes! :) Definitely still hide-able though.
Gender: Clynn & I recently decided, we think we'll wait a while longer to find out. :) The mystery has gotten kind of fun and we like the idea of having another aspect of our baby to just us for a bit. I won't be buying much for a while anyways until we get settled in our new place. Also, if we wait another month or so, we could find out via 3D/4D ultasound! For now, I'm really liking teal, grey, and yellow. Possibly a gender neutral shower around the corner! ;)
Rings on or off? On!
Looking forward to: First, my big sister having her baby in the next couple weeks! Second, finding out when we get to leave for TX! (We should know by this weekend.) Third, getting to see our babies little lips and cheeks via 3D/4D ultrasound!

Most fun baby related story of the past 3 weeks
Last night, Clynn and I went on a much needed date to Olive Garden. We realized that sense the baby has developed better hearing, we haven't been anywhere noisy at all. All the chatter and background noise had baby W bouncing like CRAZY! I even got a kick so strong, it made me gasp and jump out of surprise!! Sorry for sheltering you baby...we really do like to go out. haha I think W slept very soundly after such an active evening for his/her little brain. <3

I can't believe I can feel him/her react to new experiences already! 

With Love,
All THREE (plus two; ruff ruff!) Wilkinson's

Friday, September 12, 2014

Falling into September

I can not believe I am waking up to September 12th already! 


I am feeling how quickly this month is going to fly by (THANK GOODNESS!). Whereas, I LOVE the fresh inflow of a new season, Clynn and I are still anxiously awaiting final word on our future living situation. We have so much riding on the next couple weeks concerning where we'll be standing financially in the coming year. I don't know how...but we've managed to stay relatively calm throughout the unraveling of things outside our control. I thank yoga, warm beverages, baby bonding, the power of prayer, amazing friends, and our sweet therapeutic puppies.

My favorites this season are;

Starbucks white hot chocolate, 1 pump raspberry, soy milk, no whip
<3
Java Espresso's Almond milk hot chocolate, 1 pump toasted marshmallow, no whip
&
Tazo Organic Baked Cinnamon Apple herbal tea

Peace will fill me so much so, that I may become peace.
Love will fill me so much so, that I may become love.
My breath will fill me, that I may live.
I will be grateful.


Please speak kindly to yourself today. <3
If doing so is not a practice you are actively familiar with, start with baby steps. 
Know, that you are capable of love, and for this reason, you are worthy of love. 
ESPECIALLY from you. 


We have sure grown attached to this little belly of mine.
(biggest understatement of the day)
I believe I now understand the fears associated with motherly love. I know, sounds silly to the veterans, but I couldn't even imagine losing this precious little person growing way too quickly already. I hope he/she likes all the time we spend reaching out and isn't annoyed with us too much... Orange juice for wiggles, flashlights for wiggles, music...to feel more wiggles...My belly is a happening place these days! haha We love baby W, so so much and can't believe we are creeping up on HALF WAY to meeting him/her in person!
(Week 18 update next Wednesday.)

Happy Autumn, Happy Friday, Happy day of living.

With love,
The Wilkinson's


Friday, September 5, 2014

Veganism

WARNING: This particular post is terribly written with very few pictures and if you just want the summery version, start from the bottom and read up. If you really are thoroughly interested in my experience, go for it. I dare you. ;)

I have avoided this blog for some time. Mostly because I have no clue where to start. Veganism is a lifestyle. Could you imagine writing a blog or paper on any topic that you've studied for three months? Something that has had such a profound long term effect on my life and the way I view EVERYTHING that is me and around me can not be put into a paper review in the way that you would review a simple diet. Though, little to my knowledge going into this adventure, becoming vegan was MUCH more than just a change in diet.

Let's start back at day one. 
Some of you may remember this Instagram post of mine:


Bear with my janky round robin stream of consciousness...

About a month before dabbling with the idea of making some sort of restrictive diet change, I had tried a Four Day Juice Cleanse and blogged about it here. Two blogs prior to that blog I told you all about My (no longer) Secret, blogging about it here. What do these two things have in common? Well, while I was on my juice cleanse one of my most note worthy pros was put this way;
  • "The rules were plain and simple. I can drink my juice, water, or coconut water."
For FOUR days, I didn't even let myself consider binge eating. I had committed to this juice cleanse and by golly I was going to make it four days. I did it. It felt amazing to feel in control of my psychological desires. That being said, I didn't keep it up post juice cleanse. I spiraled again almost a week after the cleanse and that's when I made the connection of having more rules and regulations on my diet, possibly helping my condition.

Turns out, I WAS RIGHT. Shrug, scoff, roll your eyes, talk about how that approach could be unhealthy, talk about how it doesn't make any logical sense, but for me, it worked. I do not feel the need to justify the exact scientific break down as to why, I just know that it did. and I've never felt better. 

As you can see in my Insta post, I set out on this to be a 30 day experiment. I knew that I could commit for 30 days. The first 20 days WERE NOT easy. I was working in a shop with DELICIOUS charcuterie, LIFE CHANGING cheeses, THE MOST AMAZING almond croissants, and many other vegan no-no's. However, after I hit day 30, my body and mind was making real progress. I was not about to stop just then. :) 

I had not eaten to the point of feeling sick for the longest period of time sense I was about ten years old. A WHOLE month had gone by and not only was I not binging, but ironically, I was eating MORE more consistently, with more variety, than EVER BEFORE. 

(TMI WARNING)
For the first time in YEARS I was pooping EVERY DAY! Sometimes, TWO TIMES A DAY!!! I was SO excited to have a digestive system that was working reliably. 

PMS?? Practically non existent. My periods were lighter, my boobs never got preemptively sore, and the cramps got to be bearable enough that I no longer needed pain medication for the first two days (like every period before). The only thing that remained was my craving for fats close to and while on the first few days of a new cycle. However, instead of turning to random cakes and cookies, I would hold myself over with nuts, avocados, and peanut butter until I went shopping to gather the ingredients for home made vegan banana bread, pancakes, or muffins. Store bought cake cravings (Which used to happen EVERY month where I would buy a full sized, triple chocolate fudge cake from the Walmart or Fred Meyer bakery and proceed to eat the whole thing during my period...Clynn would have one or two slices, but knew that it was MINE. Yeah. Ew.) would mean traveling to down town Seattle to the Violet Sweet Shoppe Vegan Bakery for a cup cake date and sometimes one or two to bring home. :) 

My skin was clearer and more healthy. I felt stable and confident. My metabolism was constantly on hyper drive from eating so many vegetables. I discovered food staples that I never even knew existed! I went in search of more variety in fruits, vegetables, grains, alternitives to animal dairy such as coconut, almond, and aloe products...oh my gosh, the variety in my diet was INSANE compared to my life pre-veganism. I would get excited to cook EVERY NIGHT just to hear my husband compliment dinner a million times before I would say "EVERYTHING WAS VEGAN!" and sharing my substitution secrets. Who knew, that you didn't have to choose a meat to be the foundation and hearty part of your dinner? Oh boy, I learned.

This is seriously my most messy unorganized blog EVER....

One of the most eye opening facts I learned, was how many animal products are a part of America's general diet. The general population has NO CLUE how often they are consuming something that had the assistance of an animal to produce. 

I am not even going to try to explain the caliber at which I am speaking. If you are curious, I challenge you to take a peak at the ingredients in everything you consume for a couple days, and take mental note as to weather it needed an animal to produce it or not. Keep in mind, most bread, crackers, and pastas are not just grain anymore. Almost all of those products now involve an animal product of some sort. 

Why do I frown on this? Because these products add up! It may only be a little bit, but have you ever heard the lipstick statistic? Apparently, the average woman who wears lipstick on a regular bases, consumes SIX POUNDS of lipstick in her lifetime. (There are slightly varying studies, feel free to google it.) How many eggs, gallons of milk, sticks of butter, do you think you're consuming in a lifetime...when you didn't even know you were eating eggs, milk, or butter? 

I care. I want to know what I'm putting in my body when I eat it. Also, I choose not to have an animal product with everything I eat...even if "it's just a little bit".

As a result of my lifestyle change, My bodies comfortable weight lowered TEN POUNDS. I know you anti vegan skeptics like to say "Well, that's because you were malnourished!" To this, I always laugh. Most of the time I don't fight them, just say whatever and move on as they, typically, have NO CLUE what appropriate variety looks like in a diet. (Also, add in the fact that I was able to cut binge eating, my full chocolate fudge cake a month, and close to every source of unhealthy fats available on the market, aaaand yeah. It makes sense.) 

The following photos were taken just under three months apart. 
I was also doing hot yoga, but nothing much different from what I did prior to becoming vegan. 
I picked my least flattering swim suit to do these photos in on purpose.
128 on the left, 118 on the right
(aaand little to my knowledge then, about 3 weeks pregnant)

FEELING AMAZING!!!! <3

Aaaaand then, this happened. 

And two weeks later, I began clawing for anything I could stomach without throwing up, and for my now alien body needs, I gave it up...to live...because I got VERY VERY picky with a gag reflex most people wouldn't believe and if it smelled like I could eat it, I ate it and couldn't even look at ingredients for fear of ruining yet ANOTHER thing I almost thought I could stomach.
On the down side, I then was dealing with a body that wasn't adjusted to most of the foods I managed to eat resulting in an even sicker version of me. 
The whole first trimester was a terrible experience.

However, I have never forgotten everything I learned in my threeish months being Vegan. I learned so much more than I could ever ramble about on this blog. I learned more about the Vegan community, vegan beauty products, animal cruelty, the peace and balance of mother earth, vegan options from all over the world, and creative cooking like never before.

Now, going into my Seventeenth week of pregnancy, I am feeling MUCH better and the baby is allowing me to slowly revert back to most of my vegan ways. I would like to point out that Veganism while pregnant is VERY possible and can be a VERY healthy decision to make for you and your growing baby. I mostly didn't have the patience or means to make it happen. I regret nothing. haha Anything that helped make that first tri easier was worth it.

I would also like to throw out a HUGE THANK YOU to my amazing husband, Clynn. He supported me through this like you wouldn't believe. <3 As a result of living with me, he also went Vegan about 70% of the time and loved the effects it had on him as well. I seriously can't rave enough about how supportive he was of this experiment.

Binge update: I am now coming up on FIVE months binge free!!! Between learning to say YES to so many healthy foods and to say NO to...ALL of my regular binge spree go-to's, even after reverting back to a diet that includes cheese and some meats, I have managed to stay clean. :) Am I cured? haha, I know better. Addictions are never cured, but for now, I am in binge eating remission and I LOVEE ITT...and I love me. <3 

I am now happy to say I finally completed this blog...even if it's a hot mess and reads like I spat random words of common topic onto a page. It's been on my list for some time and I am happy to share more or answer questions if you are curious. Just shoot me a message! 

If you read the whole thing...wow...kudos.

Love,
The Wilkinson's








Wednesday, September 3, 2014

Growing Pains

Sometimes, everything is not okay.
Sometimes, you wake up WAY too early and can't get back to sleep because life is scary.
You lay in bed trying to fall asleep as the thought train continues to drive into a deeper, darker, even scarier tunnel.

Okay, maybe not YOU, but I know I am not alone in this.

I know I am only 23...but this is a process I know all too well. I used to lay in bed, letting life get more and more intimidating, but I like to think I have a better handle on things now.

These are the mornings I know I need to load up my awake and willing support group (Max & Benny), go for an almond milk, toasted marshmallow hot chocolate, and find a way out of my adversary lead feelings.


Here I sit, in the parking lot of my old elementary school, in my big girl car with a hot cup full of delicious, and the two best friends anyone could ask for.


Why am I scared? because growing up is HARD. It's so easy to forget why we're here...it's so easy to see existence from one year to the next. It's all too simple to believe your whole life rides on one or two decisions, completely out of your control. It's easy...to be a victim.

Life is hard, because being afraid is easy.

We don't always realize these mornings for what they are...but this morning, I do.

Or rather..I will...and that is why I'm writing...

Life IS a test...and sometimes it feels like a sick game. Can't I just prove myself and be done? Can't I just answer my Temple Recommend interview questions with a sincere heart, get an A+, and be on my merry way?


I guess not...

The blessings we are to obtain, through struggle, are worth more than that. If you are still struggling, you're still learning. If you are still learning, you are not done...and if you are not learning, oh honey, brace yourself because something is on its way for you. <3

These dark and cold mornings are an opportunity to walk away having learned something new, or to simply be drug down into a deeper despair.

Do I feel better? Have I taken a 180 and now I'm not afraid to be a new Mother? I'm not afraid that we'll never make it to our heavily weighted dreams? I'm not afraid I'll let everyone down in somehow someway?

haha...

NO.

I'm afraid...



However,
Unlike my irrational, random, and terrible thoughts creeping into my mind at 5am, I now know why I am afraid.

I am learning, and that is good.

I am growing in wisdom and that is honorable.

I am developing a more thorough understanding of the depth of my decisions and that is wonderful.

I am not asking "Why??!"

I am saying I can handle this. I am afraid, but I believe in my ability to succeed because of the power I possess as a daughter of a king.


No matter how negative life around me seems to get, I can choose to be positive. I can find peace in doing my best...again and again...and again.

PLEASE, DO NOT see this as a reflection of me. I have gotten everything I can from this lesson this morning. I pray, that you, may see it as a reflection on your life in some way. See it as a reflection on your spouses life, on your little sisters life, on your Mothers life.

We are all struggling and every morning, the super heroes in our life wake up and keep going. Be your own super hero. Find the super hero in those you love, in those who will benefit from being viewed in a light that will provide them with the positive energy to march on.


Love,
The Wilkinson's