My (no longer) Secret

Happy Blogging Monday! 

Given that Monday is typically my day off, I thought it would be a good day to do my weekly blogging. :)
For those of you that follow my grooming blog as well, (jackiegrooms) sorry I haven't posted in a bit! I've been crazy busy with my job and trying to keep up with my home life. Grooming school has taken the back burner a bit too long. However, today my exam Seven is due! I'm sure you'll be seeing a blog some time soon. ;)

Okay, now to today's post!

I've been wanting to do one of these for a while. A blog where you put your biggest taboo'd life topic on the line, in hopes of giving others a boost and viewing it differently outside of your closet.
(two of my favorites are here and here.)
There are many personal reasons and considerations when publishing a post like this.
For me, this is a post about pulling my secret out of its hiding place, making myself see it as a reality, and deciding to do something about it.

Many of you know by now, that I am a health nut! I love cooking healthy meals, preparing smart snacks, and using my Vitamix like it's going out of style. I turn up my nose to allot of party junk drinks/food, I go to yoga as often as I possibly can, and I do squats and push ups all over my house.

Truth: in secret, I am a binge eater. 

I have battled binge eating sense I was 15 years old.

I can't talk about it, because I'm still smaller than everyone in my family.

I haven't been aloud to view it as a problem because society tells me I don't have the right unless I'm 200 pounds.

Binge eating is an eating disorder. One that is hardly viewed as a problem in 7th grade health class. There's pictures of all the overweight people (who struggle with obesity or simply consume too many calories) and then right below is pictures of all the other eating disorders. People who starve themselves to become skinny. Those are the photos, full of information that people sadly gawk over. Those are the eating disorders every parent watches for in their daughters. (I love you Mom, and I don't blame you a bit! We will all face trials, and this is my battle.)

"You can't put a face on an eating disorder"

"Binge-eating disorder is a serious eating disorder in which you frequently consume unusually large amounts of food. Almost everyone overeats on occasion, such as having seconds or thirds of a holiday meal. But for some people, overeating crosses the line to binge-eating disorder and it becomes a regular occurrence, usually done in secret.

When you have binge-eating disorder, you may be deeply embarrassed about gorging and vow to stop. But you feel such a compulsion that you can't resist the urges and continue binge eating." 

It comes and goes in waves...some months are worse than others.

I never feel satisfied after an episode. I always feel sad and defeated. I usually hide any evidence before Clynn or family members can find out.

It's easy to tell someone they need to eat...it's not socially acceptable to tell someone when it's time to stop.

It is easy to not understand this. Most psychological disorders get too much crap. 

Typically, "Why don't you just stop?" or "Don't you have any self control?" get brought up. 

I wish I had the perfect answer to those questions. 

However, I do know, that I am one of the most head strong people I've ever met. I don't take no as an answer and I've always seen myself as the exception to just about every rule. 

I know I'm not alone. Binge eating is the number one eating disorder in America. I am statistically different in that I balance my binge eating with visibly healthy habits.

However, it is a problem and I'm ready to face it head on.

For the first time in my life, I have admit the problem, begun researching treatment, and am intentionally practicing some healthy techniques to battle the thoughts that sometimes consume me.

(Stay posted for a blog about my four day juice cleanse!)

I have ordered this book. I will do a follow up post once I've read it. 

Thanks for reading through. I love you all and I hope this has been a reminder that we are all going through this amazing adventure called life. We all face trials. There is hurt, and there is joy. We can either help each other up, or knock each other down. Remember that hands that help are holier than lips that pray. Love your neighbor and listen to your friends and family. You never know what they may be struggling with or how much something really means to them.

Love and happy caring,

Jaclynn